How to win the war on terror.

I've made it a goal in life to avoid Las Vegas. This only convinces me that my goal is a wise one.

Michael Jackson is in discussions about creating a 50-foot robotic replica of himself to roam the Las Vegas desert, according to reports.

Let's pause right there and let that sink in.

Fifty. Foot. Michael Jackson Robot.

Think about it.

Fear it.

The pop legend is currently understood to be living in the city, as he considers making a comeback after 2004's turbulent child sex case.

It has now been claimed that his plans include an elaborate show in Vegas, which would feature the giant Jacko striding around the desert, firing laser beams.

Firing laser beams.

While I'm absolutely terrified by the idea, I also want to see it happen, because if we could develop an army of fifty foot Michael Jackson Robots firing laser beams, every rogue nation on the planet would cower before us. And most of our allies, too.

We need this.